This is the second advert draft for 20/20. We are happy with the punchline for this advert as it works effectively however there are technical alterations needed.
- The scene of the main character coming out of the curtains jumps straight to her walking down the corridor. The continuity here is not good and therefore we will alter this and instead of using curtains, she will change in a door that says 'female changing' and then walk out into the corridor.
- In the clip of her entering the room, the door used has no glass window, however in the last clip when she is shown through the door it is obvious it is not the same door. To overcome this problem we will have to film using a different door with a window. We will then use match on action to make it seem though she has entered through the same door.
- The characters who are shocked when she enters do not look as though they are grieving, nor do they look particularly surprised. To resolve this, we will have them sobbing, spluttering, mascara down their faces and a box of tissues. This use of mis-en-scene makes it more obvious as to what the setting is.
- When entering the room, she is not in the shot so when filming the actual piece we will make it so she is more towards the centre.
-There is also an issue with proximity as she appears to be too close to the group- her feet are too close to the people in the circle. To fix this, we will ensure she is at a reasonable distance.
-The narrative is not that clear and therefore we will add a clip in the beginning for explanatory purposes. The dialogue will be as following:
Main character: Hi, I'm here for the life drawing class
Receptionist: Great, go and change into your robe and then read the sign on the door for life drawing
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